Dead Cultural Icons who Would've Owned Twitter

Twitter Celebrities: Dead Cultural Icons who Would've Owned Twitter

- Todd McCall

As easy as it is to rip on celebrities on twitters, they gather hundreds of thousand and even multiple millions of followers for a reason. Although Shaq and Ashton actually do provide decent content, the whole fuss over Twitter celebrities got me thinking about some cultural icons that are no longer with us who might have been fine additions to the upper echelons of Twitter users.

Mitch Hedberg

If Hedberg had managed to stick around for another decade, that dude would have been perfect for Twitter. Mitch Hedberg had all the absurd observations and lone eccentricity that makes for the best of the top Twitter users. The master of the modern one-liner, Hedberg's abrupt delivery and non-sequitors are just about perfect for the terse format of 140 characters or less.

ex: @DforDonut: If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn't type any slower.

Oscar Wilde

Vacuous and self-important, Oscar Wilde's endless homilies and woolgathering would have been right at home on Twitter. I can see him now, typing away with a smug smile as he cunningly snipes away at some fourteen year old twerp from Australia.

ex: @dorian4eva: America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.

Hunter S Thompson

Although I doubt Thompson would have exactly been an early adopter of social networking platforms, the guy would have no doubt quickly gathered a crowd of rabid, inebriated followers. His ability to cut through the crap and reveal the flawed state of the world would have been a welcome addition to the finer side of Twitter, even if most of his comments were just links to Guns & Ammo articles.

ex: @fearnloathing: I feel the same way about disco as I do about herpes.

Emily Dickinson

When I asked the folks in my Twitter stream about this subject, melbrehl came up with Emily Dickinson, explaining that she "would've been great on twitter, because she was a brilliant, pithy shut-in." I think she's on to something with that. Like many modern day Mister and Miss Lonelyhearts, Dickinson almost certainly would have whiled away the hours with a semi-satisfying social network, sending off her daily observations along with the rest of the introspective agoraphobes.

ex: @wildnights: Celebrity is the chastisement of merit and the punishment of talent.

Sources:

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/e/emily_dickinson.html
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mitch_Hedberg
http://www.alternativereel.com/includes/top-ten/display_review.php?id=00076

The 3 Classifications of Direct Message Autoposts on Twitter

Maddeningly Inane

The most common autopost is the unaccountably shameless self promotion that leaves you wondering what good they could have possibly thought would come out of the borderline spam.

Thx for the follow! i specialize in google adwords. I dare you to ask a question that I can't answer about ppc!

Thanks for following. I look forward to your tweets. Have you even cleaned your cell phone? Introducing *********

or endless variations on Hello! Thanks for the follow. Check out my blog

Inscrutably Enigmatic

Needing no introduction, these are pretty much the only reason I even check the direct message queue

Thank you for following. I truly appreciate it perpetually. Want an instant gratitude? You are reading this with your healthy eyes!

Thanks For Following..Don't Suffer From Hemorrhoids anymore!!!

Hey we can share our secrets now! Do you want to say hi to my spring collection?

Borderline Felonies

Then, of course, are those direct messages that might be prosecuted as fraud if sent by government mail.

Thanks for following! What r u in to? Check This Out - $500K first year!

Thanks for following, $1,000 Sign Up Bonus !$100 Per Referral !Paid Into Your Paypal Account

Douglas Jones's Fish Art

Writing a full article about this guy's work today, will throw a link up here once it's published.

Some of Douglass Jone's creations. His open air Fish Art Gallery is located at 1207 Hwy 80 East,

Shark's Teeth!

Had a lucky day looking for shark's teeth at the beach. At least I think that's what they are. Here are some of the better finds.

Zydeco Music: Like Child's Play

A Cynical Yank's Take on Fun Without Consequences

Although I'm not a musician, I have a feeling that zydeco music must be an awful lot of fun to play. Regardless of whether it is a jaunty Riverwalk tune or a slow creole take on a gospel classic, it's always incredibly cheerful, with all these whoops and chortles and ba dum dum dums. Just sounds like it's a bunch of people who really like each other hanging out and getting down. Sitting and actually listening to them have all that fun, on the other hand, isn't quite the same blast.

Listening to zydeco music is like watching your kids play a really silly game: you really can't get into it, but it's nice to see them enjoying themselves. The get all over excited and trip all over each other, or they play these lazy, goofy games with no clear rules at all, all the while looking up at you for your approvement. It's all you can do to force an indulgent smile and think: "well, they'll sure sleep tonight."