How to Pass as a Football Fan at Your Super Bowl Party

To the best of my knowledge, I have successfully passed as a very opinionated and enthusiastic football fan with my friends and family, despite the fact that I have not watched any regular season or playoff game in at least five years. By doing a little character preparation and sticking to your story no matter how transparent it is that you are oblivious, you to enjoy this year's Super Bowl party as one of the guests who everybody thinks cares about the game.

First off, I'll double check that I know who's playing and spend about fifteen minutes reading up on each team and do my best to memorize the names of at least three names of key players on each team. Next, visit a few major sports websites and blogs and read some of what the talking heads are saying about the game. Pick out a few random opinions on the teams and players and dedicate yourself to making an emotional dedication to committing yourself to these opinions with all of your heart. For example, a quick glance at SportsCenter informed me that the Saints "could be the team of the next decade" because of A, B and C, and, for the rest of the day, I couldn't agree more. If you have a background in acting or sales, this experience will come in handy.

Once you make it to the Super Bowl party, its time to get into character. As every bullshit artist knows, the keys with getting away with knowing less than you do is by asking questions. Keep things simple and try to keep the conversation toward anything that requires you to provide any actual football relate information in order to keep things going. As the evening progresses, however, you are bound to get cornered from time to time. If someone comes out and asks you a direct question about the game, it's time to fall back on those opinions that your looked up this morning. Par example, a football expert that I am passing with turns to me during a commercial break:

Football Expert #1: The announcers keep saying that this is going to be an air game, but, I'm telling you, the numbers don't lie. New Orleans is, like, the fifth in league when it comes to rushing yards.

Me: I think that the Saints could be the team of the next decade.

This is where we come back to the commitment that I spoke of above. Football Expert #1 is going to notice that I did not actually respond to his statement, but I have placed the ball back in his court. This is where patience and dedication to character is crucial, because I am almost definitely going to have to simply wait him out. Eventually, he is either going to respond to what I said about the Saints and the coming decade of dominance or try again to get me to respond to his topic. Let's say he goes in for a second shot.

Football Expert #1: I mean, both teams have solid quarterbacks, obviously. Still, I bet we're going to see a whole lot of running the ball through the first half.

Me (unfazed): That's what I'm saying, man. Given A, B and C, the Saints are going to be dominating the league for years.

At this point, he really doesn't have much of choice to get on board. Chances are that he'll leave me alone until I want to talk about the commercials or beer or something. However, even if he still wants to talk about football he knows that it is going to be about either the validity of A. B and C in determining the Saint's future, I'm still ready to just sit there and repeat myself over and over until the storm passes.

With a little bit of research and dedication to character, you too can enjoy the Super Bowl festivities without admitting that you have no business being at the party. Remember, drinking a little bit too much can help deflect suspicion, and half time is your time to shine.